Live With Intention

There I was…

Sweat dripping down my face and onto my tuxedo,

Standing in an 1800s church with no air conditioning, mid-summer,

In front of 200 of my closest friends and family, my brain was a cocktail of nerves and surreality.

“What am I doing?”

“How am I going to support us?”

These questions raced through my head as I waited for the bridal march to start.

I was getting married.

At 19 years old.

What was young-legend Swanagan doing getting married at such a young age, you may ask?

Well, let’s rewind the tape about 6 months.

“If you want to have kids, you need to do it now.” the doctor said to my then girlfriend.

She was also 19.

But she had Cystic Fibrosis and it had caused a series of complications in the last couple of months.

Also, the median life expectancy for a CF patient is 35 years old.

We had started dating only a few months before, but had already talked about starting a family someday.

And we loved each other.

Given the reality that the doctor served up, we had to make a life-changing decision.

So, I bought a ring at the jewelry store in the mall…

Proposed in the park where we went on our first date…

And ended up at the church altar 6 months later.

To say my parents weren’t thrilled was an understatement. It wasn’t the path they envisioned for me.

Friends tried to talk me out of it.

And there was doubt in my mind too.

But I believed in our reasons.

That dichotomy of my youthful, naive confidence and the raw reality of the commitment forced a transition.

This was the moment that I realized every decision HAD to be intentional.

I was choosing to care for my wife and start a family knowing the challenges ahead.

I was going to be on my own, supporting someone else at the same time.

I was embracing a life purpose that I felt deeply connected to. And, MY actions had consequences.

From this point forward I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.

If I made the wrong decision or didn’t work toward goals that made me a better, more competent person, then I was letting people down. People that depended on me.

The stakes weren’t just my parent’s disappointment anymore.

I had a family to support.

I had to prove that I could take care of someone other than myself.

“Don’t play on the edges. Go to the heart.”

Aryah Bourkoff

I think of this quote when reflecting on this part of my life.

It led me to defining one of my guiding principles: Live with intention. Align EVERY action with my values, and don’t look back.

This principle is the opposite of drifting through life and being swayed by outside forces.

My decision to marry early and start a family was a step out of the shadows and into the arena. The arena of purpose and intention.

And I’ve never felt more alive.

Sure, I missed out on a ton of experiences most people my age have.

But I wouldn’t trade the last 12 years for anything.

So, this is my advice: societal norms and onlooker opinions be damned.

Make decisions rooted in values that mattered deeply to you.

Sacrifice short-term dopamine hits for a bigger purpose.

Embrace terrifying challenges head-on.

Living intentionally isn’t about avoiding the hard things but facing them with clarity and conviction.

Here’s how you can start to do the same:

1\ Figure out your values in life and make them into principles.

This part can take a while. But that’s ok. It’s the hardest part.

Who are you right now? Who do you want to be?

Make your own mission statement.

2\ Define your ideal life.

Visualizing what you wish for is so powerful.

Figure out a plan that makes your mental picture real.

3\ Turn that big vision into daily goals.

Set goals for yourself that are achievable every day.

Just make sure that they move the needle towards vision realization.

4\ Connect with people.

IRL > URL

Find the people that share your values and make time with them.

Life is about the moments you share with people you love and respect.

Be present.

5\ Make a bias for action

Stop procrastinating.

It takes way less time than you think it will.

Fail fast and iterate often.

6\ Be open to change

Few plans survive first contact with the enemy.

Be open to the different paths that your life may offer you.

Most times you meet your destiny on the road you took to avoid it anyway.

The sweaty, tuxxed-up, 19-year old Swanagan standing in that church didn’t know what life was going to bring.

But even through that fear of the unknown, I mostly remember feeling love for my wife and excitement for the future.

And that’s a feeling of being alive. 12 years later, we are still married and have 3 kids. I don’t regret a minute.

So, make a set of principles.

Command your day with them.

Write about them.

Constantly evaluate every decision against their underlying values.

There are no wrong actions, there are only actions without intention.